


forming our own constellations

by vinndetta



Category: X-Men (Alternate Timeline Movies), X-Men (Movieverse)
Genre: Canon Disabled Character, Erik Has Feelings, Fix-It of Sorts, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Light Angst, M/M, Not X-Men: Dark Phoenix Compliant, POV Charles, Period-Typical Homophobia, Phone Call, Post-X-Men: Apocalypse (2016)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-22
Updated: 2019-07-22
Packaged: 2020-07-10 17:04:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,794
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19909186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vinndetta/pseuds/vinndetta
Summary: "Charles," the voice breathes out, almost in a mix of desperation and longing.Charles can't help but let a smile grow on his face. "Erik..."orOne lonely night leads to a desperate phone call.





	forming our own constellations

**Author's Note:**

> i rlly have no excuse or explanation for this. uhhhhhhh to be quite honest i haven't even watched dark phoenix but i know what happens vaguely. lol
> 
> this is intended to take place a couple (you can decide how much a couple is) years after apocalypse

Charles opens his eyes in the middle of the night. It's pitch dark, and it's hard to see much of anything. He looks around, then shifts over to get into his wheelchair to the side of this bed. He's always been a fan of late-night escapades (besides, it's not like he's going to be able to go back to sleep afterwards _anyway_ ), so he decides to head towards the kitchen in search of a snack or two.

Hank has always been concerned about his sleep schedule, wondering if these interruptions in his sleep could be affecting something or could be a result of something else. Charles keeps brushing him off, saying that this is just how it works sometimes. It's been like this his entire life, and he's never really had much of a problem with it. He handles his life pretty well, with running a school and being a teacher and all. Hank's concerns don't go unnoticed, but Charles doesn't pay much heed to them, but he does promise to try to get enough sleep each day, no matter when the sleep comes from.

As Charles is rummaging around in a kitchen drawer, perfectly adjusted after his accident, he hears the phone ring. Curious, Charles wheels over to the landline on the kitchen table, and answers the call.

Before he can say anything, the person on the other side speaks and Charles stills.

"Charles," the voice breathes out, almost in a mix of desperation and longing.

Charles can't help but let a smile grow on his face. "Erik..." he says, feeling a bit overwhelmed by the wonder and confusion. What was Erik calling him in the middle of the night for?

The silence persists for a while. In fact, Charles would have assumed Erik had hung up on him if it wasn't for the fact that he can hear Erik breathe heavily on the other side of the line. He sounds a bit upset and a bit frustrated, so Charles continues to hold the phone to his ear, waiting for Erik to say something. He knows they haven't been on great terms lately, but he knows that he wouldn't hesitate on lending his ear and shoulder to his old friend.

 _You're silly,_ Charles thinks to himself. _If Erik asked anything of you, you know you'd do most anything in your power to help him._

Eventually, Erik speaks up.

"I missed you."

It's said so quietly that Charles might have missed it if he wasn't listening so intently. _You missed me?_ Charles bites his tongue. _You're the one who keeps leaving me. You're the one who keeps hurting me. You're the one... you're... you..._

But Charles keeps his lips shut. Last time he had said whatever that came to mind instead of what he actually thought hadn't ended up well for either of them. He thinks that what Erik needs right now, is someone to listen. Someone to understand and listen. And maybe he could only ever get that from Charles, his first friend.

In response, all Charles does is hum affirmatively. (Even he's not sure what to make of that, and he's the one who hummed.)

"Years ago, you offered me a home. You offered me a place to stay."

"The offer's not off the table," Charles says before he really thinks about it. He knows Hank and some of the other older kids would object to him simply agreeing to have someone as dangerous as Magneto in the mansion, at the school. But there's no way he could ever refuse him, to tell him to leave.

He can't tell Erik to leave. Never again.

Charles didn't expect Erik to accept immediately, but he certainly didn't expect Erik to let out a small pitiful noise in response either. But that's exactly what Erik does, and Charles suddenly pieces together what's happening.

Erik's calling _him_ and he's _crying_. His voice is scratchy and he can hear how his nose is clogged. Before, he couldn't hear it, but now it's loud and clear in Charles's mind what's going on.

He doesn't think he's ever seen Erik cry before.

"I'll never deserve this. I'll never deserve _that_. I'll never deserve _you_." The dam seems to have broken; Erik starts rambling, letting his thoughts go to his mouth unfiltered. He speaks so quickly, as if he's afraid he'll lose the chance to say these words. Charles opens his mouth.

"Erik-"

"Let me speak, please-" Erik's voice becomes desperate.

Charles presses his lips together. After everything, he still finds that he can't refuse him.

"It's not meant to be. Every time I look at you, I want... I want you. Don't you see?"

"Wh..." Charles stutters. The words echo through his mind, leaving him in a state of shock. He's at a loss for words, trying to form a complete thought but finding himself unable to believe that this is reality. "Do you... you.. you mean..."

"I... I think I... I think I love you," Erik says. Before Charles can respond or gasp or do much of anything, Erik starts talking again. "No, no. I... need to face this. I need to just say it."

There's a short pause where Erik takes in a deep breath. (Charles, unknowingly, is holding his breath.)

"I love you."

"Erik," Charles's voice becomes strangled. He never expected him to say it. Even when they became unusually close before Cuba, Erik never allowed himself the mercy of saying the word _love_. Charles didn't either, afraid he might step over boundaries that weren't supposed to be stepped over. In truth, he wanted Erik to feel comfortable with it first before he ever tried anything, let alone the fear that if they seemed a bit too friendly, people might have become suspicious. Being homosexual _and_ a mutant...? Erik was even afraid to hold his hand, let alone try to kiss him.

And then Cuba happened and none of that happened ever again.

Erik continues, as if he hadn't heard him (even if he really did). "But it's not meant to be and that hurts me so much. I'll never be enough. You'll never be enough. We're so different and we'll never be on the same side, ever again, will we?"

Charles shrugs, even if he's well aware that Erik can't see the nonverbal cues through a phone call. "Well, we always had the thing with Trask-"

"I threw a stadium over you. I hurt you, and back in Cuba, too. I just keep hurting you; how can I stay with you? I'll just keep _hurting_ you-"

"Th... You've been forgiven a long time ago, Erik."

"How can you?" Erik's voice is accusatory, but Charles simply manages a small grin.

"When I was lying there, both in the lawn and on the beach... I already forgave you, way before you could even fathom asking me for forgiveness." Charles pauses. "Erik..."

But he doesn't know what to say.

Charles knows that there's demons in Erik's past. He does things that might not be considered good from his own moral standpoint, but he knows Erik is trying his best. Deep inside, he does know that indeed, they do want the same thing. But not exactly. They have different methods, different ideas, different beliefs. He knows that's the true reason why they separated.

"Charles, I want you," Charles's breath hitches at that, but Erik continues. "But I'm afraid I'll never deserve you. We wanted different things and that set us on different paths. I keep trying, stopping those humans from destroying us. I keep on trying, and _trying_ , but evil people never stop _showing_ up. Every time I think I'm done, someone else shows up to remind me that the job will _never_ be over. Sometimes it's even from fellow mutants, and..."

Charles bites his lips in anticipation.

"I'll _never_ deserve to be called yours."

Charles has always known this at the back of his head. He's never blamed Erik, but hearing it from him personally... it feels like his heart is shattering all over again, just like when Charles refused him on that fateful day in Cuba.

"Your mission has always been number one. I..." Charles gulps. "I accepted that long ago."

He's not sure if the unspoken _I accepted I would never be number one_ is implied enough.

"I don't think I'll ever change my mind. And neither will you."

"So..." He trails off, unsure of where Erik is trying to head to in this conversation.

"This path is so long, Charles," Erik cries out, his words laced with pain. "I'll never finish this mission, and so I'll never be yours. It's so _hard_ and this path is _so_ long-winded and I..." He whimpers, his voice breaking. " _I'll never be able to have you_."

"Erik-"

"Charles," Erik's voice is filled with hurt, and Charles doesn't need his telepathy to be struck with the pain and sympathy. "Fate has decided that we'll never be together. I'll never be able to be with you."

Charles wheels over to the window, looking out. He knows that somewhere, wherever Erik is, he's out there with so much pain. He can't remember the last time he felt himself brush against Erik's mind. It feels like an eternity ago. One long mission ago. He knows, too, that he misses Erik. It's every day that he wonders about Erik, how he's doing, what he's doing. He'll buy new furniture and wonder if Erik would enjoy it. He'll be eating a meal and wonder if Erik would protest before making his way into the kitchen to make something else. He'll be lying awake in bed and wonder if Erik will ever come back and hold him in his arms. There's not a moment that Erik ever leaves his mind, even if he's a distraction that Charles pushes back into the corner of his mind. Charles lost him so many times, lost him in Cuba, lost him at Washington D.C., lost him in this very mansion. Each and every time, Erik keeps walking away even if every atom of Charles's soul is screaming at him to be selfish, to _beg_ him to stay, to _force_ him to stay. Just once, he wishes, he'd choose to stay.

He just wants Erik to _come home_.

"It's funny," Charles finally says, when he finds his voice again. "I always thought you would be the one who goes against fate."

Erik doesn't say anything to that, so Charles decides to continue.

"If it's not fate, if we're not star-crossed, if it's not meant to be..." Charles breathes. "We'll make our own destiny. We'll make our own constellations."

"Charles..." A breath hitches.

"Erik, come home." Charles holds back a sob.

" _Please_."

  
The silence is near deafening.

_"I'm on my way."_

**Author's Note:**

> i'm vinndetta on tumblr!! i hoped you enjoyed this - kudos and comments show me that. thanks for reading :)


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